Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Bitches & Over Sleeping

This morning most of us over slept.  Not the hubbs, because he gets up earlier than the rest of us & uses his cell phone as an alarm while I use a real plug in the wall alarm clock.

I can recall over sleeping maybe two times in my 18 years of parenting.  Below are the conversations that followed.


Hub: HEY! Don’t cha think you should get up? It’s 7:40.


Me:  Oh MY GAWD! Addie has to catch the bus in 10 minutes! Are Myles and Blake up?


Hub:  I dunno, I think Myles showered.


Me: Why didn’t you wake me up?


Hub: Well shit, your alarm clock goes off like 50 times every morning!!! Gotta get to work. Bye. Fine play the fucking dumb card! Ouchie! You suck for making fun of a woman who obviously has dependency issues with her snooze button. Don’t let the door hit ya pal.


Me: Ok, ok, I can still pull this out! BLAKE ARE YOU AWAKE?



Blake:  What the hell? My alarm clock didn’t go off! I know honey the alarm clock gods and your dad are plotting against us.



Me:  MYLES WE OVERSLEPT! The fucking world is ending RIGHT NOW! Oh wait, your hair is wet; ok you’re good-GET UP!



Myles: Ummmm OH KAAAY (that’s teenager condescension speak that translates to “sheesh, chill the hell out, you’re tripping HARD mom”) Bite me.


Me:  Blake, can you take your sister to school?



Blake: Ummm, yeah if I left like RIGHT NOW!



Me:  JUST FORGET IT!



Addie: Mom, we gotta go RIGHT NOW!



Me: I know I know! Just let me throw on some pants.



Addie:  Can we go to McDonald’s first?



Me: Ummm...NO!  Is that a fucking joke?



Addie:  MOM!  Everyone’s parents take them to McDonald’s when they miss the bus! Your little 6th grade butt might have straight A’s right now, but you get a BIG FAT “F” for THAT, in fact I’m embarrassed FOR you for even attempting THAT shit!



Me:  Get in the car.



Text from Hub:  Did Addie miss the bus or did Blake take her to school? I’m sorry. Yeah SUUUURE you are.



Me:  Addie, since I’m driving, can you answer this text from your dad?  Do you know where the asterisk, number and percent keys are on my phone? Never mind, just tell him that you missed the bus and that Blake did not take you to school.



Hub Text:  I’m really sorry. My mistake, I let the time get away from me. Hmmmm, that sounds kind of legit.



My text to hub:  Not your responsibility. Short and sweet, passive aggressive, hit him where it hurts.



Hub Text:  Yes it is! I had been up for a long time and I got busy with work emails and didn’t pay attention to the time.  I’m really sorry.  BOOOO YAAAAAW!  You are forgiven.  

What are YOUR over sleeping stories?



   








5 comments:

Blake Hamby said...

ya, sorry i didn't take her to school, but if she asked me to go to mcdonalds i would've back handed her right there

B said...

Probably better off with a fucking POP Tart. McDonald's is known for giving people the shits...worse than that is having the shits at school! :P

Flutterby Trina said...

sounds like a manic morning! I think the works for me was bad night with youngest, eldest starts pre-school at 10, 9:50 wake up rush to find everything, hubby gone to work with my car keys, eventually get eldest to school to find that i haven't done her lunch!!! Thanks for following my blog! xx

Lisha @ DeLovely Life said...

I don't have any good ones. Our schedule is all sorts of weird because my husband works the night shift. There's not much of a chance of either of us sleeping. And the baby always ensures that I wake up in a timely manner. But I can recall numerous tardy days in high school. I'm already late, might as well get breakfast, right? And I totally agree, the alarm clock gods are not always kind. And I fully support hardees and chicl fil a breakfasts.

Slyde said...

similar story here this morning as we realized that my son started his early morning tutoring today!