Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Filthy Dirty Little Thangs.

For the last 10 years or so, my husband & I have ferociously debated the filth difference between boys and girls.  We have 3 sons and one daughter.  Our daughter is the youngest at 12 years old.

I have personally always been on Team Girl in the filth debate –after all there is clean dirty and just nasty gross dirty right? However, I am aware of the differences.
Boys have: 
1.      Dried pee and various forms of mucus on every inch of their bathroom.
2.      Dirty clothes in various piles (but will be re-worn until the laundry fairy intervenes)
3.      Petrified sweaty sock balls that actually make a sound similar to eating trail mix if you touch them. 
4.      Dirty dishes and drinking glasses taking over their bedrooms (which will be re-used if a buddy shows up with 5 Dollar Foot Longs or pizza, until the dish fairy intervenes).
5.      A gazillion bath towels only used once in a huge pile (that they will NEVER use again until the laundry fairy deals with them) WTF is THAT? I swear that is one of life’s mysteries to me that I put in the same place as wondering why so many homeless people are fat. 

Girls have:

  1. Make up & hairspray residue all over the place.
  2. Dirty & clean clothes inter mingled & tossed everywhere (NONE of which will be worn until the laundry fairy intervenes).
  3. Dirty dishes and drinking glasses taking over her bedroom, but useful for holding magic markers, beads & sequins. Call me crazy, but there is just something awesome about tacos & fake finger nails sharing a plate…ok, that’s gross dirty.
Last night my girl came into my room right after I had watched a teeny bit of The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood (for the 100th time & one of my faves because it makes me feel like a LESS bad mom) and I was feeling especially kissy/snuggly.

She asks “Mom, do you remember that black makeup we have from last Halloween that comes in a tube?” Ummm yeah.  “Well it squirted out all over the place a minute ago.  I tried to take a shower to get it off, but it looks pretty bad in my shower.”  

 Since I was feeling like a better mom than Ashely Judd, I just said “No you worry Daaaw Link” shit, scratch that, that was my Natasha from Rocky & Bullwinkle.  Oh Sweetie Pea, don’t you worry one bit, I’m just sure we can get that dirty ole shower clean petite baybee, now take this hug you sweet thang.”

Here is what I have finally learned:

Rule 1: If you have sons and your husband makes comments for over 10 years that boys are not as messy as girls- you agree every time! Even if you just scraped whiskers, boogers & ear wax off their tooth brushes with a butter knife.

Rule 2: Do not test your theory by not putting toilet paper in your boys’ bathroom -they will just use the empty toilet paper tube and petrified sweaty sock balls until you do and not even say a word.

Rule 3: If your daughter ever asks “Mom, remember the black Halloween paint?”  Brace yourself.  I don’t give a shit if you just watched Beaches, Joy Luck Club and fucking Sophie’s Choice on the same day, you are NOT going to feel kissy/snuggly.

Rule 4: Remember rule #1 because you will be needing your husbands sand blaster. 

 Love my little filthies. <3


Lisha @ DeLovely Life said...

I love the "Mom...remember the..." part. You know something good is coming after that. Awwww. The poor shower. I hope it could be revived. And I don't care what anyone says. I grew up with two older brothers. Boys are disgusting. I had to share a bathroom with them for years....ew.

Blake said...

So true, boys are grosser but more shit happens with girls, so i guess its Quality (or lack there of) over Quantity

Terri said...

I'm still trying to get dried up wax and hair dye out of under the bathroom sink. Funny thing is the little boys bathroom is much cleaner now that big sis moved out!

Andrea said...

What's even worse is how boys use all the dishes and then get upset when they have nothing to put their food on so eat over the sink and get syrup all over the dishes you have to clean.

I think I'm just bitter in the moment.....