Friday, February 11, 2011

2/14 Sucks

Good Gawd it’s almost Valentine’s Day.  I have nothing against the Holiday or day or what ever the hell it is.  It just makes me nervous.
Having 4 kids, Valentines Day has always given me anxiety attacks.  For the last 15 years, Valentine’s Day meant the following things: 

1.  Make a school Valentines card box of some sort for kids. The first few years of this shit had some off the chain boxes with shiney paint, stencils, glitter, stickers, lace & ruffles to name just a few kick ass features.  By the time we made our last one, it was a recycled red gift bag with the Christmas name label torn off.  Oh, it’s ok Addie, no one will notice.  Look how RED & Valentineey this looks! 

2.  Find the EXACT type of Valentines your kid wants to give out at school,  which in my experience ranged from Rugrats and Power Rangers to High School Musical junk. And normally requires 2 boxes, because the standard box is 3 short to accommodate the entire class. 

3.  Kids must bring Valentine cards to school for every student in their class. The rule of thumb is that the kid only has to write who it’s FROM, not each and every recipient’s name wheew. However, once in a while you get one of those rogue teachers that sends home a list of student names and requires them to be addressed completely, first and last name. Encourages penmanship and anxiety.  Then you have to tape the fucking piece of Juicy Fruit to each one and make sure you don’t cover up the names blah blah blah. 

4.  Getting the teacher (or teacherS in my case) a super cool card or gift.  It has to be REALLY special. And if you know how to read, you are aware that this doesn't mean a coffee mug that says "I heart teaching" with an apple and giant ABC's on it. 

5.  Then of course there is the whole spouse Valentine’s thing. It took my husband about 10 years to realize that I despise squishy greeting cards.  I mean power washer puke in a bucket despise.  Something about stealing other people’s squishy sentiment is just twisted to me.  I’m a blank card; write your OWN shit kind of girl.

Fortunately the school Valentine party days are over for me now.  My kids are out of primary school and it’s all about dances and buying grocery store roses for my youngest son's “this week’s girl friend.”

But of COURSE now there is the Facebook dealio *sigh* “In honor of fucking Valentine’s Day, change your profile picture to one of you and your spouse together. Be sure to tell how long you have been together. GAWD! Okay.

I think I did this one for “Husband’s Week”.
This one for “If You Love Your MAN week”
 This one for "If You Love Your Baby Daddy" week or some shit
For Facebook Valentine's week profile picture of your special blah blah blah...I'm just going to alternate between the two below to show my appreciation for such an awesome holiday/day. Just keeping it real.

Heart you John, even if you do sometimes give me squishy greeting cards!


Lisha @ DeLovely Life said...

Ha! Power washer puke in a bucket..That's a new one. And I agree. Valentine's Day is anxiety producing. But, if you're like me you bake delicious treats and that makes the day way more enjoyable. Love your couple pictures. :)

Slyde said...

i completely abstained from the facebook 'picture changing' thing this year. i just didnt have the energy.

and im with ya on the hallmark thing. they come up with a smarmy sentiment, print it on a card, and then charge me 3 bucks to give it to you. blah.