Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Non Funny Bitchies

Not much original funny in my head recently, so I will just quote copy my favorite funny things from the last few weeks.  

“Would you let me have a pet unicorn if it pooped magic cupcakes?”  -daughter  anonymous.  Ummm , Hell YES! Right after I sued Timothy Leary for paternity & child support.

“Well mom, since I just got my license 6 months ago, I don’t really feel like getting a job this summer.”  Mmmmkay, If I didn’t love you so much & you didn't make me so damned proud everyday, I would totally re-home your ass to a refrigerator box behind Wal-Mart.son, anonymous.

“I have something that Shakespeare NEVER had – Penicillin” – Bo Burnham

“I hate cheese”.  WTF? Who hates cheese?  That’s why I get out of bed in the morning…sheesh.  -Couple of anonymous people in the last few weeks.

“Laughter is the best medicine, except …medicine”  -Bo Burnham again (sorry, I can’t get enough of him).

“Naw, their just pubes, you like it?"   Shit YES I like it you manly man! After asking my oldest son about a 2 day old beard. -Anonymous.


Sandra said...

This was hilarious! I love how you call out the kids, but put them down as anonymous...smaaaart, I might have to borrow that tactic. However, I have to say, I would totally keep a unicorn that pooped magic cupcakes. I love cupcakes!

Bless My Bitchy Heart said...

Thanks for the comment Sandra. I'm a huge fan of your blog! For the record, I would NEVER trust anyone who wouldn't keep a magic cupcake pooping unicorn. Duh eh?

Mrs. Tuna said...

Yeah well, you think you want a pooping unicorn as an owner of a pooping horse, you'll get tired of shoveling that sh*t before you know it.