Thursday, July 21, 2011

Confessions of a Color Mixer

If you’re a dude-hit the road, well unless you're a cross dresser, cross gender, tranny, scene, emo, metro sexual, freaky snorker....-shit never mind. Just stay.

Anyhoo there is a true disorder I have invented discovered called NPMD- Nail Polish Mixing Disorder and I have it. My apologies if that acronym has already been used- sue me you “Non-psychotic major depressive disorder” and “National Park Mineral Development” freaks.

I know everyone has their nails DID now days, but I am one of those weirdos that still grows & takes care of my own.  I guess I lucked out & got good nail growing genes that I would gladly trade for the big boob gene & I like the attention I get when people say “WOW are those your REAL nails?  Ummm No, that’s just skanky. What kind of loser would grow their OWN nails, not to mention take care of them? Isn’t that shit illegal now? Guess I’m just an adrenaline junkie. Time to hit the road snorkers. Go find a Sharpie or spray paint blog.

My problem lies with never being satisfied with the nail polish I buy.  Yes, I’m happy the FIRST time I use it.  But after that, I have to modify it.  Whether it comes from the grocery store or the beauty supply store @ $10 a bottle, I ALWAYS believe that I can CREATE a better color. Below is part of my laboratory. I keep my other hoard specimens in my dressing table drawers. 

So the next thing you know, I am mixing several colors together.  Often I end up with the exact same color of several bottles that I already own and sometimes I find that there are incompatible compounds that create a weird sort of pretty goo. But as most artists know, it often takes many failures before you create a masterpiece.  Just ask that melty clock dude.

Sometimes I’m SO close to my perfect color, but it lacks the right sparkle or could be a bit darker or lighter, but the bottle is overflowing with my concoction and I have to pour some out, or start all over. Fortunately, it's a victimless addiction (except my bathroom vanity & hand towels, but that's chump change in my eyes while chasing the perfect nail polish shade dragon).

Tell me the below color is not the perfect shade of magenta to go with a new aubergine dress & silver sandals I bought the other day (yes I said aubergine, bite me!).

In any event, you are probably asking why I am discussing my embarrassing disorder openly?  Well, simply stated, it's  because all creatures in nature try to seek out their own.  Please hit me up if you have this same disorder (or a similar disorder).  I’m thinking of starting a support group. But snorkers not allowed. Go find your oven spay & model glue crew. 


Lisha @ DeLovely Life said...

That sounds like a fun disorder. I don't think I've ever mixed my own polish, but I might give it a try now. I am, however, one of those creatures with nice natural nails. Crazy long plastic-y fake nails are gross. Just sayin.

Mrs. Tuna said...

I think I have MWWD, Mix white wine disorder Riesling too sweet, chardonnay to strong, nuff said.