New Driver in Hambyland

So my 16.75 year old finally got his driver’s license over the holidays. We don’t have driver’s education in AZ, so it was entirely up to his dad to teach him how to drive. This 2^nd born child of mine is the sweetest, kindest and most gentle child you can imagine.  He is also very intelligent-he’s one of those 4 point O-ers.   But he is also one of those all night gamers who survives on Hot Pockets, Cheez Its & Big K Cola & doesn’t  look both ways before crossing the street.

I am very proud of him for passing his driver’s test (mandatory road test/parallel parking dealio). However, the last 8 months of Hambyland Driving School almost made him the product of a broken family. Fortunately I have compiled a few basic rules for teaching your kid to drive.  I have listed them below.

1.      Don’t.

2.       If you have no choice, make sure they at least know how to ride a bike.

3.      Do NOT fall into the trap of thinking that if you buy your kid a car when he is 15 off of Craig’s list, that the magic car fairy will bestow special driving powers on him.

4.      Air Fresheners, key chains and other cool car shit doesn’t summon the car fairy either.

5.      When your spouse (aka driving teacher) says “Man, we have a long way to go- he didn’t even see a dude trying to cross the street today, maybe YOU should take him out driving.” Shoot yourself in the face.

6.       When your spouse says  “Ok, we are going to the DMV today to take the test because his permit expires in a couple days” and “Son, do you want me to drive us to the DMV so you don’t get tired on the way?” Shoot self in face again. (I do not think those 2 comments should exist in the same time zone, let alone spew from the teacher's mouth without even a breath in between.)

7.      Implying to the teacher (the dad) that the student (the kid) might not quite be ready to take the test even if his permit is going to expire soon, is the equivalent of saying “I think you are a girl” straight to your husband's face and requires several divorce attorneys on your speed dial.

8.      Always remember that you might get lucky like we did.  Our kid passed on the 1^st try! Good Job Blake & John! And my apologies for doubting you guys!