Below are just a few comments/conversations that cracked me up over the last months, but weren’t really long enough to write an entire blog about, so I just compiled them all into one.
Me to my 12 y.o daughter Addie: “I can’t believe you are turning 12 tomorrow, you know you have always been my favorite daughter.”
Addie: “Umm, I’m your ONLY daughter, unless you count Myles” (her older bro).
Me while driving my 16 y.o to school: “I’m so sorry your car is jacked up buddy. It’s so weird how it seemed ok until your dad started messing with your alarm system.”
Blake: “Well, you know dad’s philosophy has always been-‘If it aint broke, fucking fix it 'til it is’---(love that kid!)
Me to my oldest nephew during the holidays: “Man! Your little boy is darling & reminds me SO much of your little brother!”
Nephew: “Oh really? Cuz he reminds me of the Devil.” (so crazy about my neph)
Stranger Vendor at the 4th Ave Street Fair in Tucson (the freak show of AZ/ arguably the universe): “Excuse me, but here in about 10 minutes can you guys leave this curb to allow my fashion show to walk through here?”
Me: “Oh sure! No worries, we’re just resting and grabbing a bite to eat.”
Stranger Vendor: “Where are YOU from?”
Me: Oh shit, what the fuck does THAT mean? “Ummm, Tucson, why do you ask?”
Stranger Vendor: “Oh, I thought I heard a southern accent.”
Me: God damnit! Be specific when you ask a question like that around HERE! I’ve seen people eating out of trash cans & snorting tree pollen at this freak show! “Oh, well I grew up in Southern Kansas. We can get a little Oklahoma-ish. After all, we had to drive there to get our beer on Sundays. Good Ear! Are you from the south?”
Stranger Vendor: “Yeah Mississippi.”
Me: “Wow! ♫em eye ess ess eye ess ess eye pee pee eye♪ really? You don’t have even a hint of an accent, you sound just like a news anchor, how did you manage that?”
Stranger Vendor: “Years and years and years of college.” (Bless his heart; I swear that was his response). THANK YOU scary fashion show vendor dude. Imma gunna tries to member that adivce, now go get your fuckin ghetto dresses ready for the fashion show while me & mine mosey on out of your way YOU FREAK!
My oldest son & I just looked at each other and tried not to spew our chicken on a stick out of our gosh dang noses while laughing.
Addie while at 4th Ave Street Fair: “OMG MOM! Look at that lady snarfing that giant chicken leg!”
Me: “Actually Addie, that’s a TURKEY leg, do you think that’s cool?”
Addie: “Yeah, maybe if I was Homer Simpson.”
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1 comment:
Ha! Those are all classic. Years and years of college, a? Weird... Who does that? Your kids are flippin funny. :) Baby girl is funny in a "I just pooped on your leg, now feed me before I scream" sort of way.
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