Filthy Dirty Little Thangs.

For the last 10 years or so, my husband & I have ferociously debated the filth difference between boys and girls.  We have 3 sons and one daughter.  Our daughter is the youngest at 12 years old.

I have personally always been on Team Girl in the filth debate –after all there is clean dirty and just nasty gross dirty right? However, I am aware of the differences.

 

Boys have: 

1.      Dried pee and various forms of mucus on every inch of their bathroom.

2.      Dirty clothes in various piles (but will be re-worn until the laundry fairy intervenes)

3.      Petrified sweaty sock balls that actually make a sound similar to eating trail mix if you touch them. 

4.      Dirty dishes and drinking glasses taking over their bedrooms (which will be re-used if a buddy shows up with 5 Dollar Foot Longs or pizza, until the dish fairy intervenes).

5.      A gazillion bath towels only used once in a huge pile (that they will NEVER use again until the laundry fairy deals with them) WTF is THAT? I swear that is one of life’s mysteries to me that I put in the same place as wondering why so many homeless people are fat. 

Girls have:

1. Make up & hairspray residue all over the place.
2. Dirty & clean clothes inter mingled & tossed everywhere (NONE of which will be worn until the laundry fairy intervenes).
3. Dirty dishes and drinking glasses taking over her bedroom, but useful for holding magic markers, beads & sequins. Call me crazy, but there is just something awesome about tacos & fake finger nails sharing a plate…ok, that’s gross dirty.

 

Last night my girl came into my room right after I had watched a teeny bit of The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood (for the 100^th time & one of my faves because it makes me feel like a LESS bad mom) and I was feeling especially kissy/snuggly.

She asks “Mom, do you remember that black makeup we have from last Halloween that comes in a tube?” Ummm yeah.  “Well it squirted out all over the place a minute ago.  I tried to take a shower to get it off, but it looks pretty bad in my shower.”  

 Since I was feeling like a better mom than Ashely Judd, I just said “No you worry Daaaw Link” shit, scratch that, that was my Natasha from Rocky & Bullwinkle.  “Oh Sweetie Pea, don’t you worry one bit, I’m just sure we can get that dirty ole shower clean petite baybee, now take this hug you sweet thang.”

Here is what I have finally learned:

Rule 1: If you have sons and your husband makes comments for over 10 years that boys are not as messy as girls- you agree every time! Even if you just scraped whiskers, boogers & ear wax off their tooth brushes with a butter knife.

Rule 2: Do not test your theory by not putting toilet paper in your boys’ bathroom -they will just use the empty toilet paper tube and petrified sweaty sock balls until you do and not even say a word.

Rule 3: If your daughter ever asks “Mom, remember the black Halloween paint?”  Brace yourself.  I don’t give a shit if you just watched Beaches, Joy Luck Club and fucking Sophie’s Choice on the same day, you are NOT going to feel kissy/snuggly.

Rule 4: Remember rule #1 because you will be needing your husbands sand blaster. 

 Love my little filthies. <3