Bitch Buggin

Think I will start another weekly thing I won't follow through with. Bellow are my most recent bitch bugging pet peeves: 


1.  When I answer the phone to hear “Hi, it’s me”. Shit, I know SO many ME’S, it’s confusing. Yes I have caller ID (even that kick ass cool cable caller ID) , but I have 4 kids and a travelin man, so when MY  phone rings, I  answer without looking…after all, it could be EMS or Elliot Stabler asking me to come identify a body, so show some fuckin manners & identify your self absorbed ass! (Unless you are one of my kids or my mom, then it’s totally ok…I can tell it’s you calling before it even rings.)

2.   When people look you dead in the eyes before showing affection to their kid, spouse or anyone else. It translates to:  Look at me, look at me, I’m a good mom! Or look at me and me and me and oh yeah my husband, we are SO in LOVE, but if you’re not looking, never mind. (eeeeew, ick, bleck, guh ross ee oh lee O) yes that's a new word I made up- "grow see oh lee oh" I kinda' like it-say it really fast. 

3.  Women who look down at their clothes and shoes the entire time they are walking into an event. Ok, I admit, I used to do this in my early twenties before walking into da club for some ledge dancing.  But now I find it nasty and tasteless.

4.  Statements that should be requests, but with that weird little upward ending thingy. “Hey, hold the door?  Hey give me that salad dressing ?” Hey, May I put my foot up your rude ill mannered ass? The words “ will you please” in lieu of “hey” are remarkable…try it and change your life.

5.  When people sniff louder, cough harder, or limp more upon seeing some one else.  No explanation needed here except- "If it's not too much trouble, will you please take your diseased crippled ass out of my space because you are kind of making ME sick.  However, I sincerely believe that your limp will improve after allergy season."