Confessions of a Thief

Normally I am that girl who gets home from the grocery store & finds a can of tuna & carton of strawberries in my stuff, realize that I didn’t pay for them, and rush back to the store because the sacker accidentally bagged them with MY groceries.  I panic and guilt sets in because I have a mental picture of a poor old lady wanting to prepare a kick ass strawberry tuna jell-o salad or some shit for her bridge pot luck or something.

 

One time during the holidays I found a really elegant pink & purple $5.00 birthday card with ribbon & glitter along with two $20.00 phone minutes gift cards in my grocery bags when I got home.   That time (because I was a little busy with the holidays), I didn’t return them to the store until the NEXT day.  Upon returning them and standing in line for 5 minutes in ORDER to return them, I took an ass ripping.  The clerk told me (in a shitty tone) that the lady who DIDN’T get her phone minute gift cards & birthday card had ALREADY been there & thrown a fit & they had corrected it & then promptly dismissed me. She basically made me feel like I had missed a deadline or something…mmmmkay.

Now to my THIEF part----So I ordered some new school shirts from Aeropostale for my daughter (because she will ONLY wear Aero polos for school dress code.)  I also ordered some super cute slippers for my son’s girlfriend & a bottle of cologne for myself.  Oh & I ordered some cute plaid sneakers for my daughter. 

WELL- when the shipment came-it had all of my items, PLUS 2 extra bottles of cologne, a pair of size 5 skinnies (perfect fit for me except a bit long), a kick ass ladies T-shirt (again perfect fit) & a nice men’s T-shirt.  2 boxes, same receipt in both boxes.  

I’m pretty sure I was sent someone else’s order.  I had the whole angel & devil on my shoulder thing.  “Keep it.” “No, send it back, yes it will cost you $15.00 to do so, but send it back.. “Oh keep it, maybe it was actually a free gift since you order from them all the time.”  “Yeah right, a free gift, you never order men’s stuff, call them right now and send it back” (shut up angel).   

 (Yes the above picture is of me, minus the head and body)

Well I followed my husband’s advice.  (If you know my husband at all, that was an hour long conversation and assessment). But he finally said “Fuck it Tam, just keep it, if they send you a bill, just pay it.” Thank YOU devil hubbs, you are such a bad ass!

I waited about 3 weeks to wear the new free super cool T-shirt delivered from the devil.  BUT all 4 of my children said variations of -“Wow Mom! That is a COOL shirt! Is it new?”  Shhhhh children, we do not speak of it because there is a size 5 woman out there somewhere without anything to wear or any cologne right now. “Yeah kinda’ new, you really like it?” 

Do you have any thieving stories?